A Few Hypochondriac Thoughts (That Swine Flu is sure picking up speed, huh?)

Hypochondriac Thoughts of the Day

If you're like me, sometimes you get a little paranoid. After a short time of strongly believing I had contracted Lyme Disease, I turned my thoughts towards the Swine Flu. I've come to several conclusions.

First- I think the news is getting a little overzealous when it comes to reporting on the "pandemic". Are they just trying to scare people so that when NOTHING happens we feel a lot better? 

Second- Um, hello- there are going to be vaccines!

Third- Cowboy up and WASH YOUR HANDS. [sweet use of the phrase cowboy up ;) ]

I think if we all relax then things will be fine. After all, there are more important things to worry about, like the the fact the Chris Brown is on the loose. Ladies, carry mace.

Sorry to disappoint, but it's time to move away from diseases.

Stuff!

Whitney Houston is going back on tour. What? She OLD! She has more lines on her face than on her coffee table!

"Real" Houswives

If you're like me, you LOVE watching bitchy-mid-life-crisis-menopausing women tear each other and others apart (figuratively... usually). It seems that with each season the ladies get less and less classy. It appears that the farther south they go, the less common decency these women have.

New York: a lot of trash talk, annoying, but harmless.

New Jersey: Who could forget the table flip and the screeching that only dogs can hear?... WHOOOOOAHRE! (silent R)

and of course...

Hot-Lanta: One of the housewives needed a party planner up to her level of high standards. Within two minutes the 'effffff' word was being thrown around like a beach ball at a Nickelback concert... by BOTH people! (Shocked!?) This "executive" party planner had decided that Sheree would make her grand entrance in a helicopter (that just says 'I'm classy!'). But when he couldn't get said helicopter, he refused to own up to it. Things quickly escalated. Well, just see for yourself.

Did you notice the poor man who closed the door once the screaming started. I could tell he was thinking "Ohh... Not again!"

I want Sheree to call Pookie to deal out some whoop ass!

You know what, when someone AKSES you to check yo' attitude at da door, yo' bitch ass betta do it! Don' chu make me call up ma Pookie!

Well, on that note I'm going to go get my bitch ass out da door (because I was AKSED to, and I'm polite).

Ciao Bellas!

Follow me on Twitter: AlieCoolidge

Ass Doctors, Dog Butts, and Fat Rolls (Sounds like a party!)

If you're like me, you love tuning onto the Discovery Channel and watching Bear Grylls devour deer hearts. That's just good TV. A lot of people debate who is better- Bear or Survivorman- Les Stroud. I'm a Bear fan myself. Les could do a little more deer hunting and a little less walking. And while we're discussing Discovery, is it just me, or does every occupation have a TV show? There's fishermen of all types, lumberjacks, truckers, anything dirty, et cetera. What about the unsung heroes of America? I'm talking about the ass doctors, the dental hygienists, and the guys who paint the lines on the road. I'm sure they have their fair share of adventures.

RANDOM NOTE:

If you put sunglasses on your dog's ass, take a good long look in the mirror because you're a freak.

I just HAVE to talk about this:

A 500 lb.  Texas inmate was charged after officials discovered the he had a gun hidden in his ROLLS OF FAT. He was searched on arrival but the gun wasn't found. He admitted to having it during a shower break.

First of all- you have to have some pretty hefty rolls to hide a gun.

Second- I wonder if he hides other things in there? If so, does he lose things?

Third- Kudos to him for using his body in new and exciting ways. I would be to angry at myself for getting to 500 lbs to be that creative.

Fourth- Unfortunately for the guards, they are now going to have to search inside fat rolls for concealed weapons.

Adios!

Follow me on Twitter: AlieCoolidge

To Blog, or Not To Blog (Puns are fun!)

I can't even believe I'm about to become one of those people that blogs. I hope that I get some followers and I can enlighten your daily lives. What to write about? At the moment my aunt and mother are fighting about the new healthcare system being currently proposed. This WILL NOT be a political blog! I will merely comment on the news, entertainment, life, et cetera. I'm now going to go eat a delicious juicy steak- cows are yummy! (No offense to all you vegetarians/ vegans, I respect your life choices.)  So long lovelies!

Follow me on Twitter!: AlieCoolidge

Au revoir!